ohheyian

Time is illusory
I think I’ve heard someone say
time is inconsistent
even though it’s measured
it dilates and warps
we move and we measure that movement
but it’s not truly the same amount of time every cycle.

I think I remember a whole year happening within a few days when I was younger
it was so slow and heavy
I remember being in a yard at some family friend’s house
on acres of land with their dozen or so cats that roamed the land freely
I remember the tiny kitten that was the smallest animal I’d ever seen in person
and when we went back a few days later I asked where it was and they told me it was sick and they had left it out in the garage and I could check on it
so I did, but it was dead, and I spent the rest of the day laying in the grass with the other cats, who all seemed to feel similarly.

That couldn’t have just been one year of time that can be recorded
it was a snapshot of age but it wasn’t measurable on a calendar
I have lots of memories like that.

I wonder if that’s how we experience whatever we’re calling time
before we totally understand it and we’re young enough to just be living day by day
everything is just “from that time”
no age or grade to mark chronology
before the nostalgia is done baking
before the slow violence sets in.